Missteps at Paresa

On Wednesdays Matt and I ride around to different 4-5 star hotels on the island to set up distribution through their gift shops. We generally walk right in (as if we belong there) and confidently walk around until we stumble upon the gift shop. It's usually pretty funny as we generally don't know what we're getting into. Last Wednesday's experience, however, was particularly funny and memorable.

Paresa is a beautiful 5-star villa resort hidden in a secluded portion along Millionaire's Mile (a gorgeous, incredibly expensive stretch of coastline--where Michael Jackson actually used to own property!) We thought this would be a good place as it's upscale as well as known for being "gay friendly"

As Matt and I rode up to Paresa we saw a bus unloading a group of guests at the gate. It's a private, gated resort and Matt goes, "lets hurry up and walk in with them." So we rushed to park the motorbike next to all the others. Even though all the other motorbikes were facing outward (backed into the spaces) we parked ours with the rear out, and started to scramble up the hill toward the bus of guests walking in. We got about two steps up the (steep) hill before we heard the thuds..We turned to see our motorbike had fallen over and was knocking the others over like dominoes! One after the other! Luckily a Thai guy appeared out of nowhere and began lifting the bikes up and righting them. He then helped us turn our bike around and park it properly (explaining why ours fell in the first place). At this point everyone was staring at us and Matt and I were cracking up. He goes, "That was so embarrassing. Should we just call it? Leave?" But we decided after all that, we had to at least try!

We proceed to walk in, past "security" (which I've learned in this country means virtually nothing) acting as if we know where we're going. Once through the "secured" gate, we proceed to walk down a ramp and find an elevator. We noticed there were a lot of Thai people staring at us, but no one stopped us or said anything. So we got into the elevator. Immediately we noticed it was NOT a nice elevator. It was small and dingy...I said, "This doesn't look like 5 stars.." and Matt goes, "I think we might be in the staff elevator." We pushed a button and ended up in what was certainly some kind of storage area. We pushed another button and ended up deeper into the staff quarters! Where we obviously had no business being. We immediately pushed the top button and got out of the elevator and quickly scrambled back up the hill. Why no one stopped the random farangs from getting in the staff elevator in the first place is beyond me.

We started wandering through the resort (finally in the area where guests were actually allowed) past villas and such. It should be noted that 1) It was HOT as hell that day. Upper 80's, sunny and humid! And 2) Paresa is built into a hillside and therefore full of steep, sloping hills! Needless to say a few minutes in and Matt and I were sweating profusely as well as completely lost. We were definitely having a good laugh at ourselves though.

We found another elevator and got in (lots of trial and error in this country). When the doors opened, this was what we saw:

So of course we figured when in Rome...

...and snapped a few photos. I mean, we were there so why not? Haha. Eventually we did actually find the gift shop. On our way back up the many steep hills toward the gate a member of the staff on a golf cart passed and was like, "would you guys like a ride?" (obviously assuming we were guests and not random interlopers that had found our way in) and naturally we said yes! Matt and I still laugh about this experience. Not one soon to be forgotten.